renew… by choosing the band over the billing?
The family was laughing in the kitchen…
I remember a Christmas morning distinctly. It all came together at once: the family was laughing and enjoying themselves in the family room, and I was standing in the kitchen… working on what would come next. NOT in the family room with… the family. Missing the moment entirely, and by that point it was so second nature that even they did not notice.
Have you spent this whole week on what is next… versus…
That is the whole story. Nobody yelled. Nothing broke. I just was not there.
Positive Intelligence has a name for that one too. The Restless saboteur: never settled, constantly searching for greater excitement, so the good thing happening right now goes by without you. It is my last remaining personal saboteur, and it has been a lifelong struggle.
I was not doing it to anyone on purpose. I was constantly making sure everyone else had the perfect experience, and then, the second that was handled, already thinking about what came next. My coach picked up on it instantly. I am still working on it.
…and Jim chose to be a member
Jim Bogios had the kind of career drummers dream about. Ben Folds. Sheryl Crow. Sessions that, by People’s account, reached as far as Eric Clapton and Prince. On leaving Sheryl Crow’s band: “becoming a band member and having more creative input.” He traded a top seat behind a star for a seat inside a band… and he has held it for more than 20 years.
That is a renew choice. Not a bigger stage. A place he belonged.
Angels of the Silences…
Angels of the Silences went to US radio on September 24, 1996, and climbed to No. 3 on Alternative Airplay and No. 4 on Mainstream Rock. Adam, on VH1 Storytellers: “It’s about the difficulty in having faith in things.”
He has never pretended the hard part goes away. On HuffPost Live, about the dissociative disorder: “It’s not going anywhere. It’s sort of an ‘all day, every day’ thing.”
And yet, 30 years after that single, still with the friends who stayed: “You do always dream it lasts forever. It just doesn’t. But here we are.” About his life now: “I’m as happy as I can imagine being.”
Here we are. Those 3 words carry more than any chart position.
7 days of Intelligence…
Monday we named the Judge. Tuesday the Hyper-Achiever. Wednesday the partner who would not let you do it alone. Thursday we stepped out of the spotlight to see what was real. Friday a curious kid in an old photo. Saturday rest, without apology.
1 of the Sage’s powers is Navigate, choosing the path that matters most, all day, every day. Adam’s phrase fits the practice as well as the struggle.
…renew is not the day the Judge takes off…
It is the day you notice it did not get the last word.
What helps me most with Restless is not willpower. It is the idea of sanctuary and Sabbath, and a crowd of witnesses around me, my own Angels of the Silences, to remind me when I have drifted back into the kitchen doorway instead of the room. Getting out of that pattern is likely a lifelong project, not a weekend fix, and I have made a kind of peace with that.
Do the list every night through this one, and you will have 42 lines in a notebook that the Judge never would have written down for you. That is your Intelligence, the human kind, in your own handwriting.
Your “Simple… Not Easy” move: this Sunday night, write the 7th list, then read all 42 lines back. Pick the 1 you want more of next week, and tell someone tomorrow morning.
renew – that is my own most difficult vector, but one I cherish working on. Schedule time with me here.
On this Sabbath day, I wish for you… Angels of the Silences
